A Horror Film Blog

Derivative, formulaic that often feels like pastiche.  Watchable enough until the monster rears its unconvincing head.  Then all hope (of fear) is lost. It is mostly a coincidence I'm writing this up in the immediate aftermath of Ghost Ship .  There I may have revealed a somewhat erotic fixation on ships, rust and torches and the diligent peruser of this blog (if such a thing exists) might understandably conclude watching Blood vessel - which is on a ship and where torches are used - might be evidence of a further attempt to sate these deviant desires.  I claim innocence, but expect no-one to believe me. "I am making it off this boat alive!"  And he does. (Luckily, it seems, I can say whatever I like here and no-one will ever know, as - other than a weird anomaly with The Sadness readership numbers have not, shall we say, blown the roof off the fucking joint.) Anyway, Blood Vessel .  I found it trawling through the nether regions of Shudder, and admit that once I found it

I have vague memories of watching this film years ago.  I remember not liking it very much.  Seeing it appear on Shudder, I thought I would revisit it, in case I had judged it unfairly. Perhaps.  It's an okay film, blessed with a good cast and budget 'all on screen' as they say; but it struggles to put its story across convincingly. Torches.  There are a lot of torches in this film.  at least these guys came prepared. The producers include Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver.  Big name producers guarantees a decent budget and access to resources but it also puts some limitations in terms of tone and story.  It can't be too dark, it's a Robert Zemeckis film.  It has to be brash and loud and in-your-face, it's a Joel Silver film. So, to the story.  A crew of rugged, tough-as-nails salvagers are commissioned by a completely unsinister stranger called Ferriman (geddit?) to locate and salvage a liner that has been drifting in the Bering Sea for 40 years.  They locate it,

 A sort of interesting idea that doesn't come off.  Weakness in writing, plotting characterisation and acting prevent this micro-budget effort generating effective terror. Angie meets the big worm.  I don't think we need to spend too much time deconstructing this image. Our main character is 'erotic performer' Angie, a dancer in a sex shop called Revealer.  For those of us not familiar with the 1980s sex industry, this kinda like a cam girl deal where a guy would pay a girl on the other side of a plexiglass screen to take her clothes off.  No, it doesn't sound much fun.  The 80s were a terrible time and I am amazed we survived.  The other main is and League of Decency type Sally.  The End of the World happens and somehow they end up huddled in the cramped confines of Angie's booth as all Hell literally breaks out around them. Soon they are fighting wriggling penis monsters and the demon lord Asmodeus - though I am almost sure it was just some dude in a mask. Asm

This is ... not good.  Like, bad. Grotesque, and not in a good way. A small fishing community ins assailed by malevolent demi-human fish creatures that like to rend flesh and rape women,  the latter is shown in embarrassingly bad - but needlessly prolonged - sequences.  And repeated, in case you didn't get the idea first time round.  Fish guys raping human girls.  For your amusement.  Because there wasn't no way anyone was expecting anyone would be scared by this shit. In case you didn't believe me about the fish guy rape bit It would have been rubbish in the 1960s, but this was made in 1980, so there is no excuse for it being this inept and clueless.  Horror films have often been a stepping stone for film makers - a simple plot, gallons of fake blood and some gratuitous nudity.  Roger Corman's persistently schlocky endeavours probably helped more film writers, actors, directors and technicians learn their trade - and pay the bills - than any pretentious film school iss