The Seed (2021)

Director Sam Walker delivers a predictable and obvious alien invasion film, containing evidence he might be capable of better, given a script and resources.

Three girls - predictably, the irritating social media influencer, the spoiled rich girl and the nice, sensible one (aka the brunette) - repair to an isolated luxury getaway. 

Three girls on a fun weekend in the middle of nowhere.  Who do YOU think will still be breathing in 90 minutes time?

They are there to bicker, drink smoke weed and witness a 'once in a lifetime' meteor shower.  The next day, they find a weird smelly turtle thing in the garden that proceeds to menace them in spite of their attempts to befriend it.

I don't think this counts as a spoiler, because it is implicit in the title - the girls then find themselves 'impregnated' by the alien turtle thing, because after half a century or so it seem the aliens still just want to get our girls with child, and male film makers are still weirdly fixated on female fertility. So The Thing meets The Demon Seed meets Rosemary's Baby, only not as interesting as that sounds.

Anyway, before too long the film be gettin' all like this ...

He gone weird on me.

... And what should have been a nice weekend away with the girls is totally ruined and their ain't no way she's getting all that alien slime goo out of her hair.

At first, the film feels more like a vulgar comedy, with the three girls, cursing bawdily and misbehavin'; this is actually the best part of the film, with some salty dialogue providing amusement.

The second half switches suddenly to more traditional horror fare and this is less successful - both because it is familiar and also because we don't really have much investment in the characters, and with only three established characters there isn't much scope for tension or menace.

Things are further complicated by the mysterious creature.  It looks like a turtle and is about as acitve - it spends most of its screen time lying in the garden and then lying in bed, where its resemblance to Hugh Hefner is disconcerting - you expect it a silk red dressing gown, a captain's cap and be accompanied by a couple of lolling bunnies.

Hugh Hefner, the Thing From Another World.  Photo courtesy of Getty Images

Other than the creepy alien dud, the film struggles to make the characters likeable.  Okay, I know someone doesn't need to be likeable to be a worthwhile human being I should care about ... Well, actually they do.  The three main female characters are delineated in very broad, simplistic terms - even by the standards of budget horror films.

In spite of having so much screentime, there is very little development or depth created.  A small cast film is a great vehicle for creating complexity or interest, but the characters are pretty much the same at the bloody end as they were at the beginning - a loud, obnoxious 'influencer, a spoiled brat and a sensible, nice brunette.

That said, the three leads (Chelsea Edge, Lucy Martin, Sophie Vavasseur) do their best -  Lucy Martin and Sophie Vavasseur have a lot of fun with their caricatures, and Chelsea Edge is genuinely good as the inevitable final girl.  It's just none of them have much to work with.

Which brings us to the underlying problem with The Seed.  It is profoundly unoriginal and deeply uninspired.  The latter is, of course, the more telling issue.  Artists from Shakespeare to Joyce to a certain John Carpenter have taken other people's ideas and recast them into something brilliant and new.  But this ain't no Assault on Precinct 13.

At best, it is a workman like production of a poor script.  Director Sam Walker has a handful of shorts to his name - this is his feature debut.  Viewed as such, it isn't too bad.  There are some splendid surreal psychedelic episodes as the alien uses its alien powers to unhinge the hapless females, and did I detect a reference to The Birds in cut in to the bloodied corpse of one of the (few) secondary characters?

Still, even a competent director can only do som much with a poor script, and Walker could argue he has fashioned the most silky textures possible from what he was given ... but as he is also the writer, he has to accept responsibility for the weakness of the story.

In fairness, Walker admits he wanted to make a "popcorn creature feature" and filming on a micro-budget and under trying conditions.  He certainly comes across as a director with ideas and ambitions.

So Sam Walker may be one to watch; The Seed, less so.

Star Rating: *