Black Roses (1988)

This is a Troma film. If you don't know what that means, avoid. You won't regret not experiencing the Troma trauma. 

If you have encountered Troma before, you know what to expect - terrible script; dire performances (with the exception of Carla Ferrigno [aka Mrs Lou 'Incredible Hulk' Ferrigno] who appears in a spikey cameo); clueless direction (the director would go onto to do script work on some notable films, bizarrely) awful special effects; gratuitous nudity; witless, juvenile humour.

This one has the added 'attraction' of a bad metal soundtrack.  Because this is shamelessly piggybacking on the 80s 'Satanic panic' about how Alice Cooper was going to make our children worship Belzebub, or some such.  Basically, a terrible light metal band announce they are going to do a special show at the dead end town of Mill Basin.

MILL BASIN!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!

In spite of never having toured before, they are apparently the biggest thing in the universe and all the local teens flip out at the idea of Black Roses performing at their dire little town.  They're so cool - inspite of never having toured before and apparently never having released a song.  Their parents flip out but for the opposite reason.  They're so evil and gonna make their babies love sex and drugs and rock'n'roll.  And they do.

Things soon get ugly at the Black Roses gig.

There is - by the standards of Troma films - some modest debate about the absurdity of people getting anxious about teenagers doing what teenagers do and the sort of music they like.  There are also, bizarrely, long sections set in an English class where Mathew Moorhouse the world's least convincing teacher (played with glum resignation by John Martin) since Robin Williams holds forth about poetry.  These seem to go on forever, and serve no clear purpose unless it is hinting rock and roll is the poetry of this generation, or poetry was the rock and roll of previous generations.  Either way, given it turns out rock music turns out to be the source of Satanic influence in modern America, it isn't encouraging to see the fundamental conservatism of the Moral Majority embraced in Troma's sleazy arms.  

Alas, dull Mr English teacher is also our protagonist.  So even when the lessons are over we are not set free.  Still, there are bits where gremlin type monsters emerge from stereo speakers and drag a judgmental patriarch into, one assumes, Hell.  And you don't even need to play your records backwards to make this happen, kids!  And there is this, which is pretty much all there is to say about Black Roses:

The Great Book of British Smiles just got a new entry

By the standard of Troma films (a low bar!) it is actually quite good but don't expect to be anything other than bored, disappointed and feeling slightly tainted by the end of it.

Star Rating: *