Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

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If you can overlook the ludicrous premise of this film there is a lot of fun to be had here. The story is nonsense but the film makers play it absolutely straight.

Christmas Eve, and foul mouth record store owner Tori (the awesome Riley Dandy) is knocking off.  Reluctantly, she allows her employee Robbie (Sam Delich) to talk her out of going on a Tinder date and get wasted with him instead.  They drink and bicker, which makes up the first act of the film.  

Meanwhile, the ex-military war robot, reprogrammed as a Christmas Santa at a local toy store (I told you it was stupid) develops a bug and - I guess - re-sets to factory settings, which means it is looking for people to kill, ho ho ho.  For reasons unclear, in the second act, it decides Tori is its prime target and sets out to rain Hell fire down on her boozy 'default date' with Robbie.  Being a true and worthy Final Girl, she doesn't take to this idea, and the final act consists of the two of them mauling each other.  Only one will be left to open presents on Christmas Day ...

Surely that guy on Tinder couldn't have been worse than this ...

So it is a silly film, story.  Indeed, you imagine the story was concocted on a boozy night (somewhat akin to Tori and Sam's own drunken evening) where someone suggested to come up with the dumbest idea possible for a horror film.  But - once the preposterous premise is in place it is executed without any silly attempts at festive humour - no Robo Santa crashing down through the chimney, or fighting it off by bombarding it with presents, pursuits or escapes on a sled pulled by reindeer ... you see, I could have made it much, much worse.

The script is well written.  Dandy and Delich's dialogue in the opening scenes - before it all goes to Hell - is terrific, as long as you aren't appalled by swearing and sarcasm.  If you are, perhaps a film about a murderous robot dressed as Santa isn't for you.  They talk over each other, snapping and snarling, spitting insults and trading gibes, two people so used to putting up a front of defensive aggression they can't relax and admit that they are desperately alone and just wan someone fairly pleasant and companionable to wake up with.

Killer Robot Santa reckons he is both pleasant and companionable ... and he can shoot lasers from his eyes!

The main actors deliver 100% with the two leads bickering and flirting, then rapidly turning terrified. Riley Dandy is brilliant as the foul mouthed, scrappy Tori.

Unsurprisingly, Joe Begos's visuals are great.  A snowy Christmas is a blank canvas for him to daub with lurid colour.  Everything that isn't snow or ominous shadow is drenched in green or red or blue. 

Blue Christmas

The effects are pretty good - again, giving the inevitable silliness of a killer robot Santa a pass.  It's pretty convincing, in a goofy and not-really-scary sort of way, and it doles out fairly impressive mayhem.  in places it is a bit awkward - we're expected to credit what looks suspiciously like a suburban living room as a police station. and buy that there are only two cops in it ... But, given the nonsense we're required to accept just to make the story work, it's a pot hole, not a speed bump.

Perhaps most importantly the project answers the long standing question, "What would a mash-up of Terminator (or Richard Stanley's Hardware) and Black Christmas look like?" We've all been wondering, now we know.

Star Rating: ***

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